I've always been really REALLY into New Year's resolutions. I used to not only make a list of ways to improve myself at the beginning of each year, but would also end each year by making an even larger list of all sizes of things I had accomplished. So basically I did a pretty good job of driving myself crazy.
This year, like 99.8% of the country I am trying to lose weight, but I am also resolving to post at least weekly in this blog. And I'm posting this at the end of February.
1. It was my birthday last week, and my birthday is the other time of year that I get really introspective about where I'm at and evaluating my goals and/or progress.
2. I am currently proud that I'm posting this at all.
Here's the deal. I get so caught up in not being on time, on not being perfect that at least half the time I just don't end up doing it (whatever "it" may be). So in this moment, emotionally, physically, and artistically, I say: here I am. Imperfect. But I'm doing it. And I'd rather do it imperfectly than not at all.
It's been a strange month. In some parts of my life I feel happier than I ever have before. In other parts of my life I feel fragile and unsteady. Art and creativity hang in this weird balance in between the extremes. And I'm trying to be ok with that.
My friend Laura picks a word/phrase every year to embody an intention towards the year. Many yoga practices also use this idea of an intentional word or mantra to encourage meditation and focus. Over the last few weeks I've been trying to tell myself "LET GO." LET GO goes against making a list of resolutions. It goes against the Midwest Protestant thing of "you must need to work harder". It is going to be a challenge, but I'm also excited to see what it means for me- from the weight loss to the blog posting... After all, I still love resolutions (and listmaking). It's hard not to love the idea of new beginnings.